Palin is a "Post Turtle"

Not original to me, but worth reposting:

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Alaska Governor Palin and her bid to be Vice President.

The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, Palin is a post turtle."

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a ''post turtle" was.

The old rancher said, "When you''re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that''s a ''post turtle''."

The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor''s face, so he continued to explain. "You know she didn't get up there by herself, she doesn''t belong up there, she doesn''t know what to do while she is up there, and you just wonder what kind of idiot put her up there."

Red Means Stop

They call it the "Cleveland Creep." It sounds like it should either be a dance style from the 1930s, or on of those guys who's required by law to go from door to door informing all the residents that he's moved in to the neighborhood.

No, my friends, the Creep is not a person. It's a behavior. I don't really know if it's part of the vernacular, but one of Paul's classmates used it to describe this behavior and it was so perfect a description, that I had to embrace it wholeheartedly.

So what is it? The Cleveland Creep is the common practice, in this fair Ohio city, that occurs when drivers come to a red light at an intersection, but fail to stop at the solid bar of white paint before the crosswalk, and the creep well into the crosswalk, or even through it entirely so they are sticking out into the traffic area of the intersection.

As a well trained California driver, I approach the yellow or red light and slow down to bring my car to a full stop before entering the cross walk -- that inviolate and sacred space for the all-powerful pedestrian, whose lack of automobile inherently lends him or her a panoply of rights that no auto-ensconced person can ever hope to attain until they exit their vehicle. From my stopped position, I inevitably see the driver in the lane next to me continue past me for at least a half car-length. It is a behavior I watch with dismay as I observe it happening, multiple times each day.

"Why?!" I wonder, often aloud. Why would a person do that? "What is to be gained by blocking the crosswalk?" Does the 9-foot head-start make a difference when the light turns green?

There are a number of traffic rule practices that people in this region simply don't seem to consider applicable to them. The Creep is the most predominant, followed in close second by the blockage of the intersection completely. If memory serves, I was taught that despite a green light, if you can't clear the intersection in front of you, you're not supposed to progress into it. Again, you hold your place at the solid white paint bar behind the crosswalk until you can completely clear the intersection. The average Cleveland driver doesn't seem to comprehend this concept. Even with 2-3 cars sticking into the intersection ahead of them, many a driver feels that they need to join that conga line, and ensure that when the lights change, no car from the cross-traffic will make it through the intersection. "If I can't get through, then neither will you," appears to be the predominant sentiment.

But there's more ... so you're driving along at 35 MPH, in the right-hand lane, and all of a sudden there's a car parked in front of you, about 50-yards away. This has to be illegal, right? Nope.

There aren't shoulders on the surface streets here, so traffic can be a really fu(ked up experience. On your average 2-lane surface street, including busy thoroughfares, parking is usually allowed in the right hand lane. Please note that I said "LANE." Suddenly, you and the people in front or behind you need to stop and merge in to the left lane, but of course the people in that lane don't want to let you in, so you're sitting there with your turn signal on and trying to bully your way in to the clear lane, and traffic gets backed up even more.

In "Annie Hall," Woody Allen said that California's only contribution to culture was allowing a right turn at a red light. At this point, I'm dying for some culture. It makes you want to import LA-style road rage.

Thank goodness I only have a 5-mile commute.

Worth 1000 words and at least 3-4 hours

I may not have the most difficult life. I don't battle famine or drought. I am not an industrialist in a post-industrial world, who is worried about plant closures or outsourcing. I have a pretty reliable paycheck at a job with benefits and decent pay.

At the same time, I gotta say that the online quest for the right photo to use in a layout for a brochure or web site is a real b!tch. Perhaps I'm failing to recognize the wealth of images that are available to me online, and that just 10 years ago I wouldn't have had the easy accessibility that comes with the amazing interwebs.

However, that isn't terribly reassuring when I'm spend hours looking for images that convey the right tone or feeling. I know there are many of you out there who know what I'm talking about, so I ask you to feel my pain, as I search for a baby that's sitting in the right position, or a blue sky with just the right number of fluffy clouds, or a cow in a field that has the right type of black spots on them ... you can commiserate with my quest.

The Big Chill

This week was the first time since May that I have had to put on a jacket. Granted, I have only had to put on the Jacket after the sun goes down, nevertheless, it would appear that with the passage of Labor Day, summer is indeed over.

The days are getting shorter, although it's still not dark until about 8 p.m., and it's a revelation for this California (ahem) boy that seasons really do only last a few months.

I have to admit that I'm anticipating winter with some trepidation. It has been my go-to statement thus far, when people ask me how I'm liking Cleveland. I tell them that I have been here since April, and so far it's been pretty good, but they should ask me again in January. This usually elicits a laugh.

It appears that I have about two or three months before my mettle is put to the test by the first snow, but genetically, I should be prepared. Afterall, my people come from Scandinavia and Eastern Europe. And yet, somehow that's not as reassuring as I'd like it to be.

Check with me again in January and I'll let you know how those genetics work out for me. In the mean time, I'll bring a light jacket when I go to the movies tonight.

Practically Kenyan

I have been neglecting my gym membership lately, but I have been running. I'd like to blame the fact that I'm not going to the gym on the fact that the gym closes too early - 9 p.m. on weekdays and at about 6 p.m. on weekends. Can you believe there is no 24 Hour Fitness in Cleveland?

In my defense, I have been exercising. I have been running quite regularly and I think it's actually been making a difference in the way my pants fit, and I mean that in a positive way. For the past two runs I have done 6+ and 5+ miles respectively and I have kept my average time per mile to under 10 minutes. I don't really care if you're not impressed, because I am.

Also, I gotta give a shout out to mapmyrun.com. It's a pretty cool site that allows you to calculate your run distance and time and workout stats, whether in advance or after the fact. It's pretty cool to figure out your route and then plug in your time to see how many calories you burned or your average speed. It also works for cycling or walking and other modes of ambulation from point-A to point-B.

The point is, I'm running sub-10 miles and I think that's pretty cool. Yay me!

It doesn't hurt that the area around our home is quite pretty to run through either. I'm going to miss it when winter makes it unrunnable ... I will have to go back to the gym at that point.

20 Under 40, but more Jewy

The week before last the Cleveland Jewish News did a feature story called "On the Rise*," which was about 20 "young, dynamic individuals who are getting noticed in the business world."

My first thought was that this would be great. It's important for local success stories to get attention, both in the Jewish community and in Northeast Ohio. I read the first biography about an impressive 35-year-old woman who works in nano-technology and teaches at Case Western. Although they really didn't go into how she's an up-and-comer in NEO business, she clearly had a list of impressive accomplishments.

The next person was the was the 40-year-old sports director for the local Fox affiliate station. The paper did present a brief history of his history in sports reporting, but as far as "getting noticed in the business world," I thought you had to be in business for that to happen.

The rest of the feature is a roller-coaster of seemingly appropriate and surprising individuals - more surprising because there appears to be nothing extraordinary about them, than surprising that they were doing amazing things. I certainly don't mean to impugn anyone who was featured, as I'm sure they're perfectly good and successful people, but as far as setting an example in business models or entrepreneurship, either the article did a piss-poor job of explaining that, or the individuals simply aren't doing that.

It's unfortunate that in a town for nearly 80,000 Jews, they couldn't find 20 individuals under the age of 40 who were really doing extraordinary things. Perhaps those individuals are out there, but they weren't in this story.


*Although I linked to the archived article here, the online version is ordered very differently then the print version; the reason for this is a mystery.

Assuming there is a feast ...

Cleveland is the town of ethnic festivals. Every weekend some group is celebrating their heritage and history with traditional foods, cheap carnival rides and a crap-load of arts, crafts and souvenirs that help reassure me that the youth of China will never lack for work. Interestingly, I have discovered that gyros, funnel cakes and kettle corn must be traditional foods of all nations, since they are at EVERY festival.

This weekend is the annual "Feast of the Assumption" in Cleveland's Little Italy neighborhood. One thing I learned while attending a Catholic university is that there have only been three official "infallable" statements made by the popes over the years. These are generally major tenets of the Catholic doctrine for which there is no scriptural basis, and yet a pope has made an "infallible statement" that it was indeed a fact. The first of the infallible statements was that the Pope could indeed speak infallibly, which was necessary to make the following statements. The second was the immaculate conception of Mary. The third was the assumption of Mary into heaven.

What better way to celebrate one of the more momentus miracles of the Catholic faith, than by holding a street fair? A lot of people had talked it up, saying how it was really great food and entertainment. Paul and I walked down to LI from our place in Cleveland Heights. It was only about at 15 minute trek and there was no point in driving because parking was all but impossible. The area has narrow streets that don't appear to have anticipated the automobile, and that couldn't have imagined the breadth of a Ford Excursion. It's hard to park there during a week day, and with streets shut down here and there, it would have been an exercise in folly to even attempt driving. Needless to say, there were scores of cars backed up as they sought to get into LI in the hopes of finding an elusive spot.

I had high hopes as we entered the festival, because there was actually an area where some older men and women were singing Italian ballads accompanied by mandolin and accordion.
Soon though, my hopes were dashed as we entered the press of the human tide that moved shoulder to shoulder along the overpriced food stands: $7 for cheese ravioli, $5 for fried mozzarella, $6 for fresh lemonade ... and of course kettle corn, funnel cakes and gyros.

Knock $2 - $3 off each item and it might have been worth it. To make matters worse, the nonnas and nonnos who were singing as we entered were overpowered by the thrum and bass of some tedious popular music station that was pumping out the hits of today and tomorrow.

Where were the street opera singers? Where was the old lady selling zeppoli from a basket? Where was the vino rosso being sold by the tumbler? It's not right when the Jew can plan a more authentic Italian festival than the Little Italy.

The one thing that was superb was the people watching. There were wannabe Gotti grandkids as far as the eye could see. Gelled hair, gold chains and earrings, expensive t-shirts and baseball caps painstakingly tilted just off kilter. There were also a good number of overweight Guidos wandering around in their rayon bowling shirts with chest hair showing and sucking on big cigars. Stereotypes are fun.

We walked home comparing observations, and agreed that we don't need to go next year. Now we're looking forward to next week's big Greek festival. I hope they will have gyros!

Month four: supplies are holding out and morale is still high

It's been four months since I moved to Cleveland from San Francisco. I've watched winter turn to spring, and then spring became summer. Never having lived anywhere with real seasons, I can say they are pretty amazing things.

One of the more surprising things for me has been the local negativism about Northeast Ohio. When you tell a local that you moved here, their first response is, "Why would you come to Cleveland?"


Granted, this place has its challenges, but what place doesn't? The lack of hometown pride is really rather surprising. How do you convince people to come to a place that the locals keep dissing?